Book notes: The 5 Love Languages

Jun 26, 2021

Book cover

By Gary Chapman.

Anyone who has read this book highly recommends it. It currently has 5 stars on 51k rankings on Amazon. I found out about from one of the parents at softball practice, who said she and her spouse both read it and got quite a bit out if it, especially since it’s a fast read. It’s a quick and helpful way to improve a relationship.

The 5 languages:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

Notes:

  • We are much better people when we feel loved. (Chapter 2, p19)
  • The average length of time for “romantic obsession” is 2 years. (p30)
  • The divorce rate for second marriages is higher than first marriages. (p33)
  • Usually one language is dominant. I.e. if you think yours is a combination of all 5 then you haven’t figured it out yet. (p127, but it’s a theme across the whole book.)
  • Physical touch does not mean sex. (p121)

My wife’s love language is acts of service. The John and Susan situation in chapter 11 resolved by finding the top few things that matter to the other person. It’s an interesting mental exercise that I’ve taken to heart and will make some changes going forward. In hindsight they are all pretty obvious.

I suspect my love language is acts of service, but I haven’t ruled out words of affirmation or quality time.